


look in the mirror for the other one (who walks by your side)

by crying_jaybird



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Dick Does Though, Dimension Travel, Going Back To An Abuser, Grooming, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, It Would Be Rape in the Real World But Neither Character Involved Views It As Such, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Jason Todd is Red Hood, M/M, Multiverse Travel, Unreliable Narrator, Unresolved/Open Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:15:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27388555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crying_jaybird/pseuds/crying_jaybird
Summary: A younger Jason temporarily coming into their universe proves to be the spark that leads to Bruce and Jason reconnecting in more ways than one, while Dick is forced to confront the nature of their relationship and his continued failure to protect his little wing from their father.Bruce Wayne is not a very good person, Dick is purposely oblivious until he can’t be and Jason, like always, just wants to be loved.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 21
Kudos: 127





	1. Chapter 1

A tall, obviously annoyed young man sits across from a child, who looks angry and exhausted. The child curves in on himself a little and clutches at his wrist. He shakes like a leaf in a storm, but only allows this to happen for a moment before steadying himself. 

The child speaks. “How do I know you’re telling the truth? It all seems a little far-fetched that I’m in a different universe and everyone’s older and I’m not Robin and B has wrinkles and I mean fuck, that just doesn’t seem like something that happens in real life. I mean, how does Alfie look exactly the same?”

The man cuts in, “The alternative universes haven't been established yet, kid. It might be time travel or you might be some weird clone. We’re trying to get you to talk so we can figure it out. As for knowing I’m telling the truth, you don’t, but I’m you. Would you lie to yourself for no reason if you met them?”

A glare. “I wouldn’t.” Jason smiles for just a second but is cut off as he begins to open his mouth, “Unless B had told me to or I thought it’s what he’d want”. 

Jason pauses for a second and looks down. “Yeah. That-that’s probably fair. How about I tell you what Bruce told me to avoid talking about and we can go from there?” Silence as the younger Robin stares at the older (you can _run, run, run_ from it all you want but you never stop being a Robin). 

“That trick won’t work on me, kid. B trained me on how to say nothing while trying to get people to speak too.”

“Okay.” 

“Great. Just so you know, it doesn’t work all that well when done by someone so small. But anyway, why don’t you tell me a little about yourself?” 

“Why don’t you tell me what rules Bruce gave first?” 

“Ha, alright. Look, I can’t tell you anything about the future. He also gave me a ‘no swearing allowed’ look, but I’m sure you know that’s more a suggestion than anything.” 

(It _isn’t_ a suggestion, is the thing. It should be impossible to fuck someone and then tell them that they shouldn’t say ‘fuck’ and mean it, not sound _ridiculous_ saying it, but it’s a line Bruce walks _perfectly,_ one he always has.)

The younger Jason laughs at that and it seems like the tension that’s been hanging over the room, that’s been hanging over Wayne Manor, over Gotham ever since Bruce ran into the boy who seems, for all intents and purposes, to be his lost son from before he was lost and the boy promptly tried to fight him, yelling about how he knew that he wasn’t actually Batman, breaks.

What doesn’t break is the tension building within Bruce. It’s tinged with shame and fear of being found out and cast away, not allowed to see his family, see Jay (and they’re just beginning to rebuild their relationship so that it’s even a fraction of what it was _before,_ and he won’t allow anything to stop the way it’s being built up again). 

What he’s feeling is irrelevant, though. 

No one knows about how quickly it’s building (the relationship or the squirmy panic in his gut, which he swears he hasn’t felt since the day Jason died). 

He intends to keep it that way. 

He’ll figure out a way to spin all this to his advantage. He doesn’t have a plan right now, not in the well thought out ‘if A happens, do B and if D tries to interfere, distract him with C’ way he’d prefer, but there’s already a narrative building within the cramped room that Jason and Jason sit in and so long as Bruce pays attention to what’s happening in it now, he’ll have all night to figure out what’s best to do and say, what’s most likely to get Jason back at his side. 

That’s just the kind of person Bruce is, and he knows it. 

Already, he feels satisfaction at how Jason quickly agreed with himself about being willing to lie to make Bruce happy. 

He knows that it’s an attempt by Jason to not ruin the rapport he’s building with the child more than anything, knows that Jason would not admit that he wants to make Bruce happy in any other context, especially one where he knows Bruce can hear. 

He also knows that Jason isn’t lying when he says that the idea of him doing so is “fair”, and knows that he probably would do it, even if he’d deny it afterward. 

Knowing that means that the spark behind his navel that’s present whenever Jason is around lights and catches flame. He shifts in his seat slightly, not enough for anyone to notice but enough to try to relieve that pressure. 

“So while Bruce is out there coming up with a list of official questions to best try to get you home, why don’t you tell me about yourself?” 

Jason has a glare thrown his way and after a moment decides to try it a different way. This clearly isn’t working, because he was always a stubborn kid, and that seems like a constant between every universe. “I can tell you stuff about me too. Don’t you wanna know what could have happened?” 

“I guess. I don’t know what there is to tell though.” There’s a drawn-out pause and the younger Jason finally begins to speak. 

As he sits outside the interrogation room in the Batcave, Bruce on one side of him and Tim on the other, Dick can’t help but think that he doesn’t remember Jason ever being so young, so tiny and clearly vulnerable. He peers through the one-sided glass, wondering how they had ever thought it was okay to send out such a small kid to fight crime. 

Jason can’t be younger than Damian is now, and even though they had only been side by side for maybe a minute earlier in the night, it had been clear that Jason was at least a full head shorter. As though that weren’t enough to be worrisome (Damian is tall for his age, but he’s not that tall), no comparison point is needed to see that this Jason is also borderline emancipated looking to go along with it. 

Glancing over at Bruce, Dick can see that he seems to be deep in thought, probably reminiscing about when their Jason had looked like that. Dick wonders if Bruce remembers it clearly or if it’s been a long enough time that seeing Jason like that is a shock to him too, if his memories from then are as blurry as Dick’s or if they’re perfectly preserved. 

Seeing Jason like this makes something in both mens’ chests hurt, just a little, although for very different reasons. 

Bruce can see the exact sort of person it makes him to have done the things he did to Jason, all while he looked like that. He can’t quite bring himself to think that he wouldn’t do most of them again if given the option. At the very least, he thinks looking back and forth between his Jason and this younger one, it wasn’t anything about Jason being small or a child that had attracted him. He knows that he would love Jason no matter what he looked like, what point in his life he was at. 

That at least, he is sure of. 

While Dick and Bruce engage in very different types of self-reflection (and Tim, presumably, just sits there), Jason’s speech gets faster and faster as he continues describing his short life. “Well, I was born on August 19th. My dad was around for a while but he, umm, ended up leaving... My mom did too, eventually. It was kind of rough for a while, but then B found me and adopted me and now I’m Robin and it’s like magic! Bruce is usually really nice to me, like a dad sometimes..but not really, and Alfie is just amazing. When I’m not being Robin I do school stuff at the manor, which Alfred helps me out with, and also I really like to read.” 

Jay finishes off and he looks slightly embarrassed. He runs his hand over the back of his neck and smiles, looking everywhere except for into Jason’s eyes. 

“Oh yeah? That seems a lot like what Jason Todd’s life was too. You two must be pretty similar. At least based on what we’ve talked about so far.” 

“Why are you talking about yourself in the third person like that? It’s kind of weird.” 

Man, Jason doesn’t even know how to begin explaining why he’s talking about himself in the third person ‘like that’. It’s hard to find the words to express that you died and came back to life _wrong_. Came back to life to find yourself a _symbol_ for the _mission_ , a symbol for either _absolute perfection_ or the _worst thing a Robin could ever be _depending on the day and time and how badly Bruce’s knees were aching at that moment. Came back as a symbol around which an eccentric (he has enough money that he’s eccentric, not crazy, and isn’t that something to think about?) billionaire could make himself _miserable_ and guilty every day, forever. __

__(Jason avoids thinking about how maybe there are some other things, ones unrelated to his death but related to him, that Bruce feels guilty about. Ones that he should feel guilty about. Things he had done and things he hadn’t done, all of which took place while he was alive and well. There’s things that are illegal and not right and things that are illegal but basically, mostly okay and things that are totally legal but terrible. His avoidance in thinking about all of them is second nature now and it has been for years. He’s had so much practice he doesn’t even have to think about how he doesn’t want to think about them in order to just _not._ ) _ _

__A living person can’t be a symbol, not in the way a bloody, torn up suit hanging in a cave can be._ _

__Really, the answer lies in the fact that he’d come back to life as nothing at all, not as a symbol, not as Robin, and definitely not as Jason Todd._ _

__It’s easiest to detach from all of those things entirely, even if that doesn’t feel quite right either._ _

__Pathetically, the part of the Jason Todd that’d died that Jason finds easiest to connect to (the only part he’s able to, really) is desperately wanting to spend time with Bruce._ _

__Wanting to be held by him and have his full attention and to dig his always cold feet into him at night, while they lay under the covers._ _

__Jason wants Bruce to leave him alone. To never have to see Bruce ever again. To never have Bruce touch him again. To never have to make nice with Tim or pretend that he’s not keeping around Dick._ _

__At the same time, more than any of that, he wants Bruce to carve out a space for himself inside of Jason’s life, inside of Jason, regardless of what Jason has to say about it. To do so because of how badly he wants to, not caring about consequences or consent or about what’s right._ _

__The want for Bruce to fill him up with love and warmth and the feeling of never being alone, of always having someone in his corner; that’s the part of Jason Todd that remains, not the lack of cynicism or the smaller stature or literally anything else._ _

__Jason doesn’t think to wonder about that. He’s never wondered if maybe it’s not because of who he is as a person that even when everything about him is gone, his desire for Bruce remains. He doesn’t think to wonder if maybe it has to do with the way he was raised, or about if Bruce ensured that it’s the way things are._ _

__He probably should. Instead, he mostly just wishes he could curl up on Bruce’s lap, and he hates himself for it._ _

__Any individual aspect of that would be too much to explain to a trained psychologist, not to even take into account that this is a kid, specifically the kid who’s maybe going to go through all of it himself._ _

__In the end, Jason just goes with, “Yeah, It is weird, I guess. I’ll stop now.”_ _

__Speaking of weird, honestly him even being here in the cave and in the manor is kind of surprising._ _

__It’s just because he happened to be talking to Tim when Bruce had (literally) run into the younger him which meant that he was automatically dragged in, regardless of his own thoughts on the situation._ _

__Despite this, just the fact that Bruce is just letting him stay and talk to a younger version of himself is kind of crazy. It shows a level of trust and that’s the kind of crazy that makes his stomach feel as though there are butterflies in it. It makes him feel warm._ _

__Being tolerated isn’t quite the same as being wanted, but they’re both approaching what Jason wants from Bruce._ _

__He really, truly hopes that the kid he’s talking to is from an alternate universe. Hopes he’ll mention unicorns or flying cars or some other obvious tip-off soon. He wonders if maybe the difference is that in his universe Bruce isn’t fucking him but quickly decides that’s too out there to really consider._ _

__Jason doesn’t know what he would do if faced with himself, like literally himself from this universe, himself. He knows he wouldn't be able to change anything because of the cruel way time travel works._ _

__Ideally, so long as the kid _is_ from another universe, Bruce has already promised that he’ll talk to him later, tell him about his mother and about how following her leads to bad stuff happening. _ _

__Jason knows Bruce well enough to know that he’ll let the kid fill in the blanks himself and will rely on him being able to do so._ _

__He wonders if he’ll be able to do so. He figures that he’ll probably wait around until Bruce leaves and try to make it clear for the kid._ _

__He’d already been clever at that age. He’d been book smart and he’d been able to take care of himself and that should be enough to be able to figure it out based on whatever Bruce’s sure to be cryptic warning is but he figures that he deserves better._ _

__Deserves someone looking out for him who isn’t trying to fuck him or getting paid to make sure he doesn’t get killed._ _

__As of now, they still don’t even know where the kid comes from. Following the bout of awkward silence that coincides with a tangent into the psychology behind referring to oneself in the third person, Jason decides that this can only be the right time to jump in with a question._ _

__No time like the present, right?_ _

__Something to ask about, _hmmm._ _ _

__God, where’s Bruce with the list of questions he’s supposed to be drafting? What kind of information can even narrow down what universe someone is from?_ _

__As he looks at what he knows to be one-sided glass, seeing only his own reflection, he thinks about who sits on the other side._ _

__OH!! This should work._ _

__“What’s your Dick like?”_ _

__“Umm. He doesn’t like me so much. I get it though. I wouldn’t want to have to be all buddy-buddy with someone who replaced me either.”_ _

__Jason nods and raises his hand, in a gesture meant to convey that he wants to hear more. “Bruce and him fight all the time. It’s kind of annoying. When I was taking care of mom I always wanted an older brother but he’s not…”_ _

__“No? That’s really tough. He gets better at it.”_ _

__“Really?”_ _

__“Yup. I’ve been told that he’s the best.”_ _

__Dick looks down, hearing that, and can't make eye contact with Bruce, who looks to have snapped out of whatever he was thinking about, suddenly alert and focused directly on Dick._ _

__He was never an older brother to Jason before everything with Joker, and they both know it._ _

__He knows that he was at best distant and at worst straight-up cruel. He’d had his own life to live, his own battles to fight (some with actual enemies and most with Bruce), the sheer hurt of coming home one day and having been replaced, and he knew that for all those reasons and a thousand more, he didn’t even really try with Jason._ _

__Well, there’s all that and there are other reasons too, ones he doesn’t think about these days basically _ever_ , so long as that remains an option. _ _

__It’s always an option. Except for right now, apparently._ _

__He thinks about the way Jason would smirk while talking about him and Bruce being _partners_. How his voice would always shake just a little as he said it, as though it was something he’d repeated to himself often enough that he couldn’t tell if it was true or not anymore. _ _

__He remembers how right after he’d moved out new rules were put in place. He knows from the fact that no matter how bad it got with Bruce, he would never miss his weekly call from Alfred, that the butler suddenly wasn’t allowed in the cave except for when Batman and Robin were out on patrol._ _

__He thinks about the bruises he saw on Jason’s inner-thighs when they were in the communal shower, after the one time they’d actually been suited up and fighting crime before Ethiopia._ _

__That night had been such fun, just Big Bird and Little Wing and no Bruce anywhere in sight._ _

__They had both been exposed to a toxin that wasn’t immediately harmful but that had to be scrubbed off as soon as possible, and so they’d showered together, barely out of their costumes and already both under hot, hot water._ _

__Looking back about it now Dick remembers that it was winter, an especially freezing day where the Robin uniform (back when it was still his original design!) was a hindrance rather than the show-stopping distraction it was meant to be._ _

__Jason had been shivering pathetically for more than an hour when Dick had decided to call it quits early in the night, not wanting to see his not-quite little brother so obviously miserable. Bruce was off in some other country, and Dick had actually come into the Manor, a rarity those days._ _

__He and Jason had watched some cheesy lifetime Christmas movie and sat with Alfred and they all had hot cocoa together. It had all been really nice._ _

__But Dick knows that that niceness isn’t what he remembers most about that night._ _

__Being bruised up all the time is just another part of the nighttime gig and Jason had had enough of them that Dick could almost pretend not to see, but _those_ ones looked just a little off, a little lewd. _ _

__As though they were placed there with a sense of purpose, a sense of intent. Not just the fading bruises from some Gotham thug getting a few random hits in._ _

__No, they looked like the marks left by someone trying to _suck_ their mark into Jay. _ _

__Dick had promised himself while in that shower that he was going to make an effort to figure out if something (some no good, terrible thing he didn’t even want to name unless he was _sure_ ) it was going on. _ _

__He promised himself he was going to start showing up in general, being there for Jason, even with all of the years and resentment and everything else between them._ _

__Then, the next week he went into space and promptly forgotten or maybe blocked out his resolution (so screw him, he was literally _off of_ planet earth and it was so cool and he wasn’t exactly thinking about anything happening back on his homeworld). _ _

__He came back to a world without Jason Todd and to a phone that had one unanswered call from a Gotham-based phone number._ _

__Dick reminds himself, as forcefully as he can, that he doesn’t _know_ anything, is really only blindly guessing, really, as based on a few random scraps of potential evidence spread out over years when there are a million things saying that nothing had happened. _ _

__Just the fact that it’s Bruce, it’s _Batman_ , and Batman wouldn’t do something like that. Dick’s _dad_ wouldn't do something like that. _ _

__As an additional safeguard, Dick truly believes that Jason would have said something, if not then surely now._ _

__And if not now, then right after he’d come back from the dead, when he was obsessed with killing Bruce, with discrediting his ideas, his moral compass, and everything he stood for._ _

__Dick figures there’s no way Jason doesn’t realize that there’s probably no faster way to do all that than to rightfully accuse someone of being -ugh, he doesn’t even want to think of the word- doesn’t even _know_ which word he’d choose to describe _that._ _ _

__He sighs and pushes those thoughts back down, pushes down the idea that his father might be a monster._ _

__He forcibly reminds himself of the conclusion he’s come to in regards to the potential of Bruce and Jason having been together in that way and focuses his attention back on the scene unfolding in front of him behind the glass, one Jason across from the other._ _

__Still talking about Dick, Jay asks, “Does he wanna do stuff with us now? Does he ever say he loves us?” It sounds like the kid is borderline hyperventilating now. “Do we ever make him proud as Robin?”_ _

__God, that’s like a punch in the sternum. It's difficult seeing a kid so desperate for his approval, knowing that at least here, he never really got it._ _

__He never really lived up to expectations._ _

__Dick thinks back to how angry he was all the time back then, too angry to really see Jason as a person. He thinks about how Jason never got to be that angry, not without being the enemy._ _

__(To be fair, Dick’s anger didn’t involve guns or killing, except for that brief stint with Deathstroke, and Bruce still doesn’t know about that or maybe just pretends not to.)_ _

__The older Jason hesitates for a second and then takes in a deep breath, one which Bruce can’t help but recognize from his time as Robin._ _

__It’s the breath he would take when he would see a woman who had overdosed or who was going to, at some point, overdose and he knew there was nothing he could do._ _

__That’s the breath he would take when he wanted to cry but couldn’t._ _

__He composes himself well though. All of Bruce’s children do._ _

__He wonders what it reflects about him._ _

__“Cool your engines, Jay. I can’t tell you, remember?” Jason smiles and it hurts to look at._ _

__“Yeah, I remember. This is no fun, though. I wanna know the future! What’s the point in knowing what happens up ‘till now, but for a different me? One who has grey hair just to top it all off?”_ _

__“Hey! It’s very much a stylistic choice to keep my white streak in!”_ _

__Jay giggles, sounding more like a child than he has this whole time._ _

__“It’s okay though. Even if you won’t tell me, I can figure out stuff about the future. Like, I do hit a growth spurt! I knew Leslie was wrong when she said that I probably wouldn't be taller than Dick. Serves him right.”_ _

__“It sure does. I’m going to go check how that list of questions is going, do you want anything? Maybe some water? Food? Maybe someone to wrap your wrist?”_ _

__The energy in the room changes in an instant, the little Jason suddenly frowning and displeased and looking very, very young. It seems he doesn’t want attention brought to his injuries, no matter how obvious and easy to fix they may be._ _

__“I want a cigarette.”_ _

__“You’re not getting a cigarette, sorry to say. How’d you get the sprained wrist anyway? Are you sure there’s nothing else you’d want?”_ _

__“I want to go home and see my Bruce and not have to talk to you people anymore!”_ _

__By the time he gets to that last part, Jay is practically yelling._ _

__Hmm, maybe this younger him needs a nap?_ _

__On second thought, considering how late it is, he might just need a good full night’s rest. Jason can’t remember the last time he had that, himself, but he feels confident that the younger Jay will feel a lot better after getting a nice, long break._ _

__Jason gets up and out of his seat, while his younger self remains seated and buries his face in his arms, closes his eyes, and seems to go limp all over._ _

__As Jason approaches the door to get out, he notices how if he didn’t already know exactly where it was and the intricate process of how to get it open, he’d never be able to find it from inside the makeshift interrogation room. A bit creepy, honestly._ _

__It’s quietly horrifying if you take any time at all to think about it. That describes a good portion of his life since he’s met Bruce._ _

__The other portion doesn’t bother being quiet._ _


	2. Chapter 2

As Jason aimlessly wanders around the mansion, he hears something in the other room. He walks towards it to see what’s going on. He walks and he walks and he walks. It seems to take an eternity before he realizes that he’s not getting anywhere, that moving forward is just an illusion. 

He’s stuck in place. 

With a dramatic sigh he lowers himself to the ground and sits instead. 

He just knows that there’s something terrible happening in the room he can’t get to. He should be stopping it. However, he can’t even get back up and so he just continues sitting, the hard wooden floor digging into him in a way that seems almost too harsh. 

Then, he wakes with a start in the bed in the guest bedroom in a manor, where he eventually decided to spend the night after a long discussion with Dick and a lingering look from Bruce that left him somewhere between arousal and disgust. 

He wants to vomit.

Looking out the shuttered window, it’s clear that there’s still hours left to go before he can reasonably get up. He should have known better than to sleep in the manor. 

He’s here now, though and there’s not much to be done about that. With a groan, he lays back down and takes one of the pillows that surrounds him into his arms, hugging it and curling around it. 

Jason falls back into a restless sleep and dreams once more, of entering the room he’d been trying to get into, only to find Bruce leering down at a younger him. He clears his throat and tries to get Bruce’s attention, to show that he’s here, that he’s back, only to get completely ignored. 

Eventually, Bruce pauses in his ministrations and looks up at Jason, saying, “I don’t want you now, you silly, silly boy. Did you actually think that I would?” 

He wakes up crying this time around. The tears burn into his skin and his head pounds. 

He _really_ shouldn’t have allowed himself to get talked into spending the night here. 

He stretches and grinds into the mattress for a few seconds, before deciding that it’s not worth it. 

He honestly wishes he could scram already, let everyone else deal with the kid but he might as well get a nice breakfast spread for all the trouble he’s already faced. 

It’s not until he walks into the kitchen that he realizes how it’s somehow _still_ really early. It’s grey outside and the room is empty, everyone presumably still sleeping or out on patrol. 

He thinks it’s empty, that is. 

It’s only once he’s already cooking that Jason realizes he isn’t alone. Sitting on one of the chairs, slumped over, is the younger him. He looks kind of defeated and kind of sad but perks up once he realizes that Jason has noticed him. 

He smiles a sad little smile and says, “Hey! So question, do you think we have the same inside jokes?”

Jason raises an eyebrow at that. He was always a whimsical kid but right now he fully doesn’t understand what that’s supposed to mean. Inside jokes, like, with himself? 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if I think something is really funny will you think it’s really funny too?”

“I mean, maybe? I’m not too sure about that.”

There’s silence, as the younger Jason sticks out his lower lip just a little. 

“How about you tell me one and I’ll tell you if it’s really funny to me too?”

“Well okay. Let me think.”

Jason nods at that and then asks if he should make food for two people. Getting an affirmative, he does so. Eventually, he hears the younger boy clear his throat. 

“I’m no standup comedian, but how about this? So it’s my fourteenth birthday right, and B is asking what I want for it and I ask him what my options are and Bruce says ‘well, whatever you want, son,’ but what he really means is ‘whatever you want, so long as it’s my cock’”.

Oh. 

Yeah, that’s _really_ funny. Jason barks out a laugh and the younger him seems to not have been expecting that and he freezes up but then he’s laughing too and this is the funniest moment Jason has been a part of in he doesn’t know how long. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do think it’s funny.”

Neither Jason notices Dick standing in the doorway listening in on their conversation. They don’t notice how wide his eyes get as he realizes what was just said and they don’t notice the way he almost _runs_ away while they laugh. 

Dick quickly walks back to his room, feeling as though he’s going to puke. He gets into the shower while freezing water rains down on him. 

He needs to take a moment. 

Really, he needs an eternity's worth of moments and he needs to _get out_ and to take Jason with him and wrap him in a blanket and not let him leave his line of vision ever again. 

He isn’t going to get any of those things though, and a moment is the best he can do given the circumstances.

He feels as though he’s burning up, as though he has a fever or maybe he’s just destructing on the cellular level. He should have _done something_ but he didn’t and he simply doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do now. 

All Dick knows is that nothing is going to be okay, not ever again. He knows that he’s going to have to go downstairs soon and face Bruce and Jason and pretend that nothing has changed even though everything has. 

He has to figure out what to do with the younger Jason (they can’t just let him go home to a rapist) and what to do with the older Jason and what to do with Bruce. 

He has to figure out if the Justice League will even believe him (will Jason even be willing to testify again Bruce? He seemed so casual and okay with everything that something tells Dick the answer is no) and he has to figure out if Bruce has done this to anyone else, to Tim or Damian or any of the other children who trust him fully purely because he’s Batman. 

He has the feeling that this will require subtlety, even if he isn’t sure why. 

He just has this inkling of something inside of him saying that if he comes out and makes accusations right here and right now, everyone will cover up for Bruce and he’ll come off as crazy and no one will ever look into it. 

Or maybe he’s just a coward, he doesn’t know any more. 

For now though, he just cries feeling as though his heart is breaking inside of him. 

By the time Dick gets down into the cave, the Jasons have already settled into the room where they’ll be talking today.

He moves to plop down on the couch Bruce is sitting on, trying to inconspicuously sit as far away from him as possible. The couch mysteriously appeared right across from the screen where they’ll be monitoring what’s being talked about, seemingly overnight. 

Had Alfred somehow gotten it in here? It wouldn’t even be the most impressive thing he’s silently accomplished, not even having to ask but simply seeing what would be needed and providing it before it has to be asked for.

Alfred, Alfred would know, right? He knows everything that happens at Wayne Manor or at least Dick thought he did. 

Now though, he’s not sure what would be worse, if he did know or if he didn’t. 

Either way, Dick wants to shiver thinking about it. 

He doesn’t, because Bruce is Bruce and he would instantly notice that something was wrong. 

Bruce looks over at Dick, tilting his head as he raises an eyebrow in silent questioning. 

_Where’s Tim?_

“He’s still sleeping. He’s been having trouble with it and I figured between the two of us we can manage to keep track of the facts of one conversation?” Dick responds. 

Bruce nods and goes back to facing straight ahead, staring into the monitor. 

In the room, Jason begins, “Okay, so you’re not hungry anymore because of my amazing cooking and you slept well enough and everything? So you’re good to answer our questions now?”

Robin frowns, “Yeah...I mean..wait, hold up. Is your Bruce ever going to meet my Bruce? Because I don’t want all this stuff getting out. Privacy, you know?”

Jason nods. “I know. He won’t. We’re just asking questions to try to narrow down where you’re from so we can send you back. So far we’ve been matching everything pretty consistently and no matter how you answer this it won’t be embarrassing. For other stuff, you can embarrass me with your honesty. In front of my Bruce and all.” 

It feels so weird to call Bruce his. It never really felt as though he were. 

There was a time when he was Bruce’s, but it’s long gone now. 

He’d thought that he’d left it behind himself. Left it along with the relentless optimism that came with being Robin, left it along with that boy who was hit and hit and hit and who died. 

He’s finding out, being here like this that it’s perhaps not as far buried as he’d thought it was. 

“Is your Bruce the only one who’s gonna hear?” The older Jason frowns for a second, knowing that he’s going to have to lie, but he still nods.

Bruce isn’t going to be the only one who hears. 

He had forgotten that there was anyone watching them before the question came up, but both Dick and Tim are presumably there. At the very least, he’s thankful that Damian is at school today, not listening in. 

Jason looks down at the sheet of paper he’s been handed, filled with the questions he’s supposed to ask his younger self. It’s clear based on handwriting that Dick had been the one to write this, but even if it had been typed he thinks he would have been able to tell that there wasn’t any input from Bruce, just based on the questions being asked. 

(He thinks this, but none of it is true. Bruce had word by word dictated to Dick what to write, citing a long-developing case of carpal tunnel as the reason for why he couldn’t do it himself. It had been late last night when he’d come to Dick to get him to do this, and Dick wanted a chance to observe Bruce and just _think_ , and so he’d agreed. Of course, there’s no way for Jason to know this.)

Before Jason can pick a question from the list to ask, he gets cut off by Robin, who’s now flushing bright red. 

“Are me and Bruce, or I guess you and Bruce...ugh” 

“C’mon, spit it out.”

“Are you guys married? Like are those our kids? Your kids..you know what I mean.” 

Jason lets out a little exhale at that, almost a laugh. “No! Me and Bruce aren’t married. I’m only nineteen and definitely not raising any kids, especially those brats.”

“Uh, okay.” 

Fun-sized Jason sounds disappointed at that, which makes Dick nauseous all over again. Had he in the brief amount of time he’s been here, seen Jason and Bruce doing something that would indicate that they were married? _God_ , is Bruce still molesting Jason, even after everything? 

Thinking about it, Dick decides that the amount of people coming and going in the manor each day would make it more difficult to hide, but maybe the constant bustle would make it easier as well? He hates that he has to think about the logistics of his dad having sex with his brother. 

Bruce didn’t seem at all concerned about anything being said or about the fact that Dick is hearing all of it, which makes the warning bells that have been ringing in Dick’s head for years go even more absolutely wild then they already were.

Meanwhile, totally oblivious to the tension right outside, Jason and Jason keep talking. 

“What made you think we were?” 

“Oh, nothing, really. I mean, it’s dumb.” 

“Remember what we talked about? You can only embarrass me in the long run, not yourself.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s just the other day during one of his ‘alone as Batman’ nights, I stayed up waiting for him and Bruce came back and he was kind of out of it because he’d gotten all banged up. Anyway, when we were in bed he was mumbling about how he was gonna marry me and adopt kids together. He said he wanted two or three boys and that all matched up with what I saw of everyone. But it was dumb to assume...”

Somehow of _everything_ there, what really sticks in Dick’s mind is that this Jason sleeps in the same bed as his Bruce. 

Dick and Bruce had done that right after he had first been taken in because Dick was too used to the busselling atmosphere of the trailer he shared with his parents to be able to do so in any other way, but that didn’t last until he was...however old this Jason is. 

Everything he’s learned today is making his stomach hurt, it’s like seeing a car that’s bypassed the safety rail and is now stuck just waiting for a train to crash into it. 

The people sitting in it, for some reason, making no effort to get out. 

Older Jason, _Dick’s Jason_ , only smiles at that disturbing announcement. “I remember that!”

Jason kind of hunches in on himself and makes his voice lower in an incredibly rough approximation of Bruce.

“Yeah, yeah... we’ll get married. We’ll have kids together. You’re the love of my life ” He straightens to his normal height and lets his voice rise in pitch until it’s at its regular tone. “Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t think me and B are gonna be marrying each other any time soon.” 

Dick looks over to Bruce, seeking some form of confirmation to tell him that Jason is just playing along with his younger counterpart, that at the _very least_ his mentor and father wasn’t telling his other adopted son that they could adopt more children, _together_ , as though that were normal. 

He doesn’t get the reassurance he so desperately wants. Bruce looks like he always does when he’s not purposely emoting. 

He looks relaxed or at least as relaxed as he ever gets while down in the cave. 

The Jasons continue speaking and even though Dick knows he should be listening as intently as possible, to try to get an accurate read of the situation, he can’t help but try to block it out.

This results in him drifting in and out of paying attention to what’s being said. 

When he forces himself to snap back to reality, he does so by telling himself that this _isn’t_ the kind of situation where he has the privilege of not listening, reminds himself that he isn’t the victim here. 

Dick’s brain comes back online right in time to hear that he’s the topic being discussed. 

“The worst thing about Dick? Well probably the fact that he left. Bruce is always all shifty when I’m talking to other people. I think he’s afraid that I’ll leave too. He gets all jealous and super snappy, so that it’s easier to just not talk to other people.” 

“Yeah, B was always super intense about that. It was kind of a point of contention between us.” 

“The last time we had an argument he was talking about how I’m not a prisoner at the manor and how if I want to I could just go. That put things in perspective, mostly.” 

“I bet.”

The younger Jason takes advantage of the silence that follows that and jumps in, smirking just a little with confidence he doesn’t actually feel. 

“So, how many more years do I get?” 

“Years?” 

“Yeah. I mean, this might sound dumb but if anyone’s gonna get it, it’s you. The reason Bruce loves me is like the same reason Dick hates me, you know? I’m a good soldier and I do everything he wants me to. The way you reacted makes me think we aren’t ever going to get married or anything. So, when does it all end?” 

Jesus Christ, Jason wants to but he’s not going to cry. He takes a deep breath.

“That’s an interesting theory, kid. Not getting one over me though. I can’t tell you about anything that’s going to happen, not right now. If I was gonna guess? You can probably be a good soldier for a while yet. I’d recommend that.“

Unknown to either of the Jason’s, Tim’s woken up and made his way down into the cave, rubbing at his eyes and clutching a warm mug. 

As Dick looks over at him, he notices that his brother looks more well rested than usual. Despite everything, that still manages to make him happy. 

As soon as Bruce notices that Tim is now present, he smiles and says, “Okay, boys. There’s a robbery happening over on 51st, and I think Duke could use some company patrolling today. It’ll do Nightwing and Red Robin good to be seen during the day once in a while, too.” 

Dick opens his mouth to protest. 

He doesn’t want to leave Bruce alone with either Jason right now, but before he can say anything Bruce cuts him off, “Come on, move it! I can handle it here, unless you have an objection to that?”

He wants to say that _hell yes_ he has an objection to that but taking into account what he’s already evaluated of this cluster fuck of a situation, Dick knows it’s best to try to aproach Jason on his own at a later time so he just frowns and shakes his head. 

As he and Tim exit the cave, he can’t help but notice how much doing so feels like a loss, like giving up. 

Throughout the day, Dick keeps trying to get back to the manor, maneuvering situations to be done as quickly as possible and bringing it up several times. “So we should be getting back, right?” and “Timmy, don’t you wanna hang out with your big brother while he’s all little?” and just straight up, “We should go see what Bruce and the Jason’s are up to!” 

Each time, Bruce’s voice comes over their earpieces, giving them another mostly meaningless task. 

They even end up picking Damian up from school for crying out loud. 

Damian looks thrilled when he sees them, for just a second, but then quickly smooths his expression out. 

“Grayson, Drake. Why are you here?”, he asks. 

“Bruce wanted to give Alfred the afternoon off, I’m assuming.” Dick responds.

“Tt. That’s very nice. Am I right in assuming we’ll be going to your apartment, Richard?” 

Shit. It’s a fair assumption for Damian to have made, given that previously the only times Dick’s picked him up were in fact when they were going to his apartment. He really doesn’t need Bruce to get that idea though. It’s already bad enough how much time he’s spent alone with the Jasons today. 

Before Dick can say that they most definitely are not doing that today, Bruce speaks up in Dick’s ear and presumably Tim’s too. “That sounds like a great idea,” he says, voice low and friendly. “Why don’t you boys make it special and stay in Bludhaven for the night, have some brotherly bonding time? 

“Bruce! I do have a job you know. I even work and everything,” Dick replies, hoping that it’lll be enough and that Bruce will relent. 

He doesn’t, of course, because when has he ever?

“You’re not scheduled for tomorrow at the bar, Dick. And you only teach those trapeze classes on Mondays,” he says, disapproval clear in his voice. 

“Staying at Dick’s is good with me,” Tim cuts in, “but does Jason not want-”

Bruce talks over him. “They’re having a good time. In the library looking for some first edition right now. Zattara just got back to me and she said that the other Jason should be back to his home tomorrow morning, without us having to interfere. Apparently, someone cast a timed spell on him, something about learning a lesson.” 

Damian grumbles, annoyed at not being able to hear what’s being discussed. 

Tim grins down at him, clearly enjoying being in a position of power. “So all of our questioning was pointless?” 

Bruce takes a moment to think about that and responds, “Well, I don’t know if I would say pointless. Having our Jason back around has been nice, and you boys will probably be seeing him around the manor more often from now on.” 

Dick wants to flinch at that, at the fact that Bruce must have already got to Jason and talked to him while he was out with Tim tracking down a literal loose goose (why is there someone in Gotham who even owns a goose?). 

He tries to push that aside for right now. 

At the moment, all he can do is try to talk to his younger brothers and see if they’ve ever seen anything odd between Bruce and Jason, make sure that, god willing, Bruce has never touched either of them.

It feels wrong to hope that it was only Jason but he can’t help it. He hates that his life has gotten to a point where his dad having only raped one of his brothers is the lesser evil. 

Having to convince one person that what Bruce did was wrong is already going to be hard enough. 

Of course, while Dick has no way of knowing this, Bruce has not yet managed to talk to Jason. 

After Zatanna finally got back to them, the younger Jason seemed confused. “I’m not all that sure ‘bout what kind of lesson I was supposed to learn here. That me and Bruce won’t be together anymore?” he said. 

Bruce looked over at him, smiling. “I wouldn’t say that’s it. Maybe you got here to teach us a lesson instead.” Jason didn’t correct him, which only made him smile more. 

After they finished their snack in the kitchen, Robin had looked over at Bruce kind of shiftily. “Jason told me that you guys have basically a whole zoo now,” he rolled his eyes a little, “and even though you wouldn’t let _me_ get _even_ a dog, I want to see it.” 

He’d forgotten how cutely Jason used to ask for stuff. Like he was making a demand but with a clear unsure undercurrent. As though he was sure he was going to be denied. 

Bruce had very rarely denied him and that’s continuing to be true. 

While the boys are busy, presumably meeting batcow or maybe running around somewhere on the manor yard, Bruce sits and he thinks. He thinks not for the first time, about how cute the way Jason is good around children is and then thinks about how he wants him back. 

He’ll have him. Soon. 

He stands and walks over to the front door when he hears them walk back inside, having purposely sat down earlier as to be close enough to do so quickly. 

“Why don’t we watch a movie together? Something that’s already out for you,” he says, tilting his chin towards Robin. “Just so we don’t cause any issues.” 

Jason bristles at that and Bruce wonders if it’s because he was planning on dropping the child off and leaving or if he just doesn’t want to have to share Bruce’s attention with someone else, even if it’s just another version of himself. He hopes it’s the latter. 

He doesn’t voice any complaints though, just squares his shoulders and nods. “Yeah, we should do that. How about that cartoon I was super obsessed with?”

“Sounds good.” 

Bruce sits in the middle of them, with an arm thrown around each boy. He’s holding _his_ Jason a lot tighter, almost forcing him to be atop his lap, but no one says anything about it. 

The animated movie plays through, with both Jasons giving it their full attention. He’ll have to tease Jay about it later, considering that it’s very much a kids movie. 

Some things, apparently, don’t change. 

Only once it finishes does Bruce realize it’s starting to get dark outside. He looks over to Robin, who looks back at him and asks, eyes wide, “Another?”

“Sure. Only one, though. You have a busy day tomorrow, with getting back to your universe.” 

He presses play on the sequel to the movie they just watched and settles back in, noting how Robin on his left seems to be drifting off even while Jason on his right seems more aware and awake then ever. 

Moving slowly, he runs his hand up and down Jason’s ribcage, doing it until Jason stops squirming in response. Once he’s no longer swaying side to side, Bruce moves his hand up a little, cupping Jason’s chest and squeezing a little. 

Jason had been so tiny when he was Robin, almost frail. Now for lack of a better word, his body is lush and filled out. Not at all like a woman's, but Bruce can’t help but think of the comparison regardless. 

Bruce finds that he loves him and wants to possess him just as much either way. 

If he’d ever worried before about his love being impure or conditional, he knows he doesn’t have to anymore. 

He moves his hand around, taking in Jason’s new body, something he’s yet to have the privilege of doing previously. The entire time Bruce keeps his eyes straight ahead, and both of the Jasons do so as well, even though they’re both aware of what’s happening. 

Robin ends up drifting off once the movie comes to an end and Bruce hip checks Jason as he gets up to let him know he should also do so. Once they’re both standing, Robin, who is fully unconscious at this point, basically collapses, now laying down fully. 

Bruce brings a blanket over and lays it on top of him, bending down to kiss his forehead as he does so. 

Then he straightens up and motions with his hand to Jason, letting him know that they should leave the room. 

Once they’re out of earshot, Bruce says, “So, we should probably talk?”

Jason looks down and worries his tongue over his bottom lip but eventually nods. 

“I’m glad. Follow me.”

Bruce leads them into his bedroom, half expecting Jason to at some point protest as he must realize where they’re headed. 

He doesn’t. 

At this point, it’s late and once they reach their destination, Jason doesn’t hesitate to launch himself into the bed. He looks a little sheepish afterwards but his expression softens when he looks at Bruce and sees him beaming back at him. 

“So, old man, what did you wanna talk about?”

Bruce lowers himself so that he too is on the bed, although not laying down. He’s sitting instead, so that he’s leaning over Jason. He puts his hand on top of Jason’s and is silent for a second.

Bruce swallows. It sounds wet to his own ear. This is his one chance to get everything right. To get back to what they were. No matter how much thought and planning he’s put in, everything could still go wrong. 

He doesn’t know what he would do if he loses Jason again. 

Eventually, he begins, “You know I only did all those things because I love you.” 

Jason looks surprised, as though he hadn't in fact already known that, “Love or loved?” 

“Jay, you know that the answer to that is never going to change. I’ve loved you forever and I will love you forever.” 

He seems to melt at those words. They’re everything he’s wanted to hear for he can’t even say how long. 

If Dick had heard what was being said, a week ago, he would be overjoyed, would have claimed that this level of reconciliation was a miracle, would have said that he’d do anything to ensure it, the way you casually say you’d do anything for stuff to happen all the time. 

If he were here to hear it now, he would feel his stomach falling away, feel like he might scream or pass out. 

He doesn’t feel any of these things due to the fact that he is not there to see it. Instead, he’s at his apartment, where Damian has built a fort and is not letting Tim to go inside of it because he finds it funny to do so. He’ll eventually relent and allow it, but only when the pizza they ordered gets there and Tim holds the box over his head and says he can’t have any if he’s going to be a brat. 

Neither brother notices, but Dick is strangely withdrawn the entire night. 

The next morning, Jason wakes up feeling satiated in a way he hasn’t in years. It’s still dark outside and he clings to Bruce and his warmth. Bruce, whose shifting is the reason behind Jason awakening. 

He chuckles and ruffles Jason’s hair, before saying, “Alright, I'm going to go see Robin off, it should only take a second. Would you keep the bed warm while I’m away?” 

Jason nods before he’s even had time to process the words, all thoughts of enlightening his younger self gone now that he once more has this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a short epilogue left! Feel free to let me know what you've thought so far in the comments below!


	3. Chapter 3

It’s confusing how Bruce isn’t even trying to hide it anymore. 

Does he not realize how obvious it is? Or does he just think Dick won’t care? 

God, maybe he thinks that Dick knew the first time around. 

Does Tim know? He had stalked Batman and Robin enough in those days, it’s not impossible that he would. 

Tim...Tim has some odd thoughts on what’s right and wrong, probably a side effect of growing up alternating between Janet and Jack Drake and just the internet for company. They’re odd, but they don’t interfere with his job as a vigilante. Before, Dick would have felt confident that he would know that something like this would be wrong, That it couldn’t be right. Right?

It feels as though the word has turned upside down. 

Dick has known it would be best to try to talk to Jason about this alone since he found out. 

Someone has to let him know that they know and that it doesn’t have to be this way. 

Jason seems to be always busy these days, a blur of motion in a way he hasn’t been since he came back. It’s eerily similar to what it was like to be around him when he was Robin. 

Dick wants to say that it’s because he wants to avoid Bruce, to interact with him as little as possible now that _that_ aspect of their relationship has returned. But he knows that’s wrong, it’s wrong because Jason is spending more time around Bruce than he has in years. 

They’re always together, no matter when Dick tries to catch Jason alone. 

Jason is at the manor and he’s talking to Bruce who’s looking at him in such a predatory way that Dick wants to interrupt, wants to hit Bruce in a way he hasn’t wanted to in years. 

Jason is at the front door of his safe house, the one that’s the closest approximation of home that he has. The one where he keeps the few first editions he’s managed to pick up somewhere, the one he thinks no one knows about. He stands at the front door and fumbles looking for his keys and Dick thinks that this time he’ll be able to catch him alone, finally. He picks up his pace to get to Jason before he can get inside and right as he reaches him and calls out a greeting, he hears a car honking. 

Looking towards it he sees Bruce, who’s waving at the two of them and grinning from ear to ear. He looks like a man who knows he’s won. 

(It feels like time is repeating itself, like they’re all stuck in some perverse cycle and people come and go but it’s always Dick seeing things he shouldn’t. This time he won’t just ignore it, he won’t, he won’t, he won’t.) 

Finally, Dick manages to get Jason to come over to his apartment one day, after his shift at the bar he’s been working at. It’s already late, and he’d half expected that Jason would have broken in by now, that he would come home to Jason would be sitting on his couch, browsing what’s on tv or judging the lack of books in his living space. 

He isn’t. Jason is standing on his stoop, waiting for him. 

“Hey!”

“Hey.” Dick leans in for a hug and while Jason tenses up for a moment, he allows it. 

Pulling back, Jason crinkles his nose and makes a displeased little noise.

“You smell like vodka.”

“Yeah, some guy spilled his drink on me. Apparently it was an accident but I honestly think Bruce probably pissed him off at some point and taking it out on me was easier. You’d be surprised how often that happens.”

Jason snorts and then stretches out his arm in a “let’s go in already!” motion. Once they get into the apartment, Dick gets serious again, schooling his features into what he hopes is a comforting but not lighthearted expression. 

“Sit. We need to talk.”

Jason seems a little confused but he’s not yet on the offensive, which is probably the best that Dick can hope for given the situation. He sits down and turns his face towards Dick, raising a single eyebrow. 

“You know you don’t have to do this, Jason. You can be a part of the family without this. Without having to see Bruce or interact with him, much less...you know..” 

Jason’s eyes go comically wide, obviously surprised at where this conversation is headed. He seems to have to forcefully shake himself out of it, narrows his eyes, and stares at Dick until he keeps talking. He’d always been fond of that move, of just sitting in silence so that others feel that they had to pick up the slack and make more noise. 

Dick is so on the edge, he feels like his heart might jump out of his chest, might vacate his body entirely. He hasn’t been cut off yet and that’s a good sign but it isn’t enough. This obviously isn’t enough. It isn’t getting through to Jason.

“I’m sorry I didn’t stop it when you were younger. I’m sorry for not noticing earlier.”

Jason straightens so that he’s sitting fully upright and looks directly into Dick’s eyes with something approaching pity

It’s wrong. 

It’s all wrong. Why is Jason the one looking at him with pity?

He needs to do better. He’s spent what seems like the last eternity researching grooming and childhood sexual abuse, having to resort to hiding out at the library after realizing that Bruce would absolutely be able to see if he or anyone in the family is doing so. All that won’t matter if he can’t get Jason to listen to him. 

“You need to understand that what he did, what he’s doing now, isn't right. Even if you thought you wanted him or you asked him first or any of that other bullshit. Even if he made you think that you were the one who wanted it, he shouldn’t have done anything because you’re-I mean- you were a kid. It was his responsibility to not do any of that, and he clearly didn’t uphold it.”

“Dick, you’re so silly sometimes. There wasn’t ever any other option.”


End file.
